I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need to align my fucking chakras
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
