Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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