it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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