That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
