So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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