idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
