I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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