So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
