So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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