Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
time to smoke my breakfast
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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