I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
