enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
