Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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