Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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