Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I only lived at night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
