I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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