i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
