It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
