Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
