Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
foreskin is a definite game changer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
