If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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