Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
