Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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