i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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