that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
