Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
