I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
