How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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