I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
