is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
