I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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