i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
