Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sext me about skeletons
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
