Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
