somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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