I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
