I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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