gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
