Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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