You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
