Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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