I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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