we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
