She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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