please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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