Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
