Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
