Will you blow on my dice?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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