would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is it penis luge time yet?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
