So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
