Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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