How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
