my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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