just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
