I wish i was in the wii world.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
