Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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