oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
